Assalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Bismillahir-Rahmanir-Rahim

1. Introduction

In relational communication science, there is the concept of Shared Meaning. A relationship reaches stable emotional maturity when both parties feel they have an equal voice to be heard. Psychologically, participatory verbs (reciprocity) like “consult” lower the ego defense mechanism. When husband and wife give each other advice, their brains process it as social support, not a threat. This is what brings peace to the soul, because life’s burdens are not carried alone, but shared through healthy dialogue.

Evidence from the Qur’an and Hadi

وَأْتَمِرُوا بَيْنَكُمْ بِمَعْرُوفٍ

"And consult among yourselves in a good manner." (QS. At-Talaq : 6)

خِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ

"The best of you are those who are best to their wives." (HR. Tirmidzi)

(Note: The best form of interaction is listening to their advice and opinions, just as the Messenger of Allah ﷺ often sought the opinions of his wives).[Tirmidhi]

2. Lessons and Messages

A household is not a dictatorship where one voice silences the other. The Qur’an uses the word _I’timaru_—a word that denotes mutuality. The moral message is: Do not feel too high to accept advice from your wife, and do not feel too low to give advice to your husband. A man’s greatness is seen in how much he values his wife’s thoughts, and a woman’s nobility is seen in how she offers advice without undermining her husband’s dignity.Recall the event of Hudaibiyah. At that time, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ commanded the companions to slaughter their sacrifices and shave their heads, but the companions remained silent out of deep grief. The Prophet then entered his tent and consulted with his wife, Umm Salamah. Umm Salamah gave brilliant advice: "O Messenger of Allah, go out, slaughter your sacrifice, and shave your head without speaking to anyone." The Prophet followed his wife’s advice, and instantly the companions followed him. History records that a major crisis was resolved because a noble prophet was willing to "consult" and accept advice from his wife.Husband and wife are like two hands washing each other. The right hand cleans the left, and the left hand cleans the right. The right hand cannot be perfectly clean without the help of the left, and vice versa. Consultation is the process of washing away the dust of mistakes and complementing each other’s shortcomings. If one hand is stiff and refuses to move, the cleansing process will never be complete.A husband said proudly, "In my house, I am the sole decision-maker! My wife cannot protest." His friend asked, "Wow, impressive! What decisions have you made?" The husband replied, "I decided that today the sun rises from the east and tomorrow the sea will still be salty! As for what to eat, how much the grocery budget is, and where the kids go to school, I leave that to my wife through 'strict consultation'!" The wisdom: Don’t be too proud to admit that a wife’s decisions are often sharper in the details of household affairs. Consult, and your life will be more peaceful.

3. Conclusion

Dear brothers and sisters, the Qur’an teaches us to Consult One Another. Replace "I" and "You" with "We." Make your spouse’s advice a mirror for self-improvement. If we are willing to sit together, listen to each other, and give advice in a ma’ruf manner, then no problem is without a solution. Because in good consultation, that is where Allah’s mercy descends.

والله أعلم بالصواب

الحمد لله رب العالمين

Wassalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

Abu Sultan Al-Qadrie