Assalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Bismillahir- Rahmanir-Rahim

1. Introduction

Extraordinary, God-conscious friends, in behavioral psychology studies, lying in children is often not an innate trait, but a defense mechanism. Scientifically, when a child faces the threat of extreme violence or humiliation, their brain activates survival mode. Intense fear drives them to manipulate facts to avoid physical and mental pain. A tranquil soul is one that educates with moderation. When parents can create a safe atmosphere, a child will not feel the need to build walls of lies to protect himself. Openness only grows in soil called affection.

2. Explanation

Qur’anic and Hadith Evidence

A. Qur’anic Verse (On Gentleness in Inviting Others):

فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللّٰهِ لِنْتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنْتَ فَظًّا غَلِيْظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانْفَضُّوْا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ

Meaning: “So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude and harsh-hearted, they would have disbanded from around you.” (QS. Ali ‘Imran: 159) B. The Saying of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (On Gentleness):

إِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لَا يَكُونُ فِي شَيْءٍ إِلَّا زَانَهُ وَلَا يُنْزَعُ مِنْ شَيْءٍ إِلَّا شَانَهُ

“Indeed, gentleness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.” (HR. Muslim)

3. Lessons and Message

A father’s extreme cruelty is not a sign of strength, but a failure in parenting. If you educate with beatings and insults, you are actually opening a school of lies for your sons and daughters. Do not expect your child to be honest if his honesty only earns a slap. Make yourself the most comforting harbor for them. Unless your son is your friend and your daughter is your companion, they will seek other ears to hear their stories—or worse, they will wrap the truth in the dust of falsehood. Imagine a child who accidentally breaks his father’s valuable item. Accustomed to seeing his father’s rage, he trembles violently and quickly hides the pieces, then lies that the cat did it. On the other hand, picture a father who sits calmly, embraces his child who has just made a big mistake, and says in a gentle voice: “My child, tell me honestly—what happened? I am your father; I want to guide you, not destroy you.” The child cries, but he feels safe to admit his mistake. In that moment, honesty is born because he knows his father’s hands prefer to embrace rather than strike. A child’s heart is like a delicate flower bud. If you water it with clear water and warm sunlight—gentleness and awareness—it will bloom beautifully and release the fragrance of honesty. But if you pour harsh chemicals on it or trample it with iron boots—cruelty and humiliation—the bud will close tightly or wither before it blooms. You cannot force a flower to bloom by beating its petals; it will only bloom when it feels safe and loved. We can be funny sometimes. We get furious when a child lies, yet we are the ones who designed that “lying competition” by threatening them with a belt every time they admit a mistake. We want our children to be as honest as the Companions of the Prophet, but our behavior when angry resembles a tyrant demanding confessions under duress. Remember, if you want an honest child, be a father who is “easy to confide in.” Don’t let your child feel more comfortable telling the truth to “the swaying grass” than to his own thick-mustached father whose temper explodes easily!

4. Conclusion

Dear brothers and sisters, change your approach. Violence will only produce skilled actors of lies. Be a friend to your children. Guide them with affection and forgiveness, so that honesty becomes a character that grows naturally within them. Because in the end, good parenting builds trust, not fear. All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may peace and blessings be upon our master Muhammad, the truthful and trustworthy.

والله أعلم بالصواب

الحمد لله رب العالمين

Abu Sultan Al-Qadrie