Assalamu’alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Bismillahir-Rahmanir- Rahim
1. Introduction
Beloved, God-conscious friends, psychologically speaking, every individual brings a different “baggage” of character, habits, and past wounds into a marriage. Scientifically, a lasting relationship is not one without conflict, but one that has the ability to _repair_—to recover quickly. The ability to forgive and forget a spouse’s minor mistakes acts as an emotional “lubricant” that prevents chronic inner friction. A healthy soul is one that does not harbor grudges, because storing your spouse’s faults is like hoarding poison in your own mind.
2. Explanation
Qur’anic and Hadith Evidence
A. Qur’anic Verse (On the trait of forgiveness):
وَلْيَعْفُوْا وَلْيَصْفَحُوْاۗ اَلَا تُحِبُّوْنَ اَنْ يَّغْفِرَ اللّٰهُ لَكُمْۗ
Meaning: “And let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you?” (QS. An-Nur: 22) B. The Saying of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ (On seeing the good in one’s spouse):
لَا يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ
A believing man should not hate a believing woman—his wife. If he dislikes one of her traits, he will surely be pleased with another. (HR. Muslim)
3. Lessons and Message
Marriage is not about finding someone perfect, but about learning to see imperfection in a beautiful way. Carry an “eraser” with you at every step of your marriage. Erase her small mistakes, forget his harsh words when he is tired, and clean the stains of your ego. If the pages of marriage keep getting filled with scribbles of disappointment without ever being erased, then in no time, the book of your life will become dark and unreadable. Imagine an elderly couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Their grandchild asks, “Grandpa, what’s the secret to lasting this long?” The grandfather smiles while looking at his wife and says, “Child, every time your grandmother did something that made me angry, I immediately took my ‘prayer eraser’ in prostration. I erased that irritation before the sun set. And your grandmother did the same.” The grandmother added, “That’s right, dear. We don’t have a strong memory for holding grudges, but we have a great love for always starting a new page every morning.” This resolve to erase each other’s wounds is what kept their love pure until their hair turned white. Married life is like drawing on a large white sheet of paper. Your spouse sometimes draws the wrong line, or the color isn’t what you wanted. If you only focus on lamenting that wrong line, your picture will be a mess. Take the eraser, clean the mistaken part, then draw again with a more beautiful color. A happy marriage is not a paper that is never scribbled on wrong, but a paper that is always cleaned with affection. We can be funny sometimes. We remember all our spouse’s mistakes from the “ancient era” up to this morning. If we argue a little, all the old files of mistakes get brought up again as if we were computers with unlimited hard disk capacity. We want our spouse to be an “angel,” yet we ourselves often act like a “whiny child” whose hobby is sulking. Remember, if you want lasting youth and lasting love, throw away your spouse’s “list of sins.” Better to be busy erasing others’ faults than to have Allah later keep erasing our names from the list of recipients of His mercy!
4. Conclusion
Dear brothers and sisters, keep an eraser in the pocket of your marriage. Do not let darkness take over the pages of your life because of one or two small mistakes. Be forgiving, for by forgiving, you are actually clearing your own path to Paradise
والله أعلم بالصواب
الحمد لله رب العالمين
Wassalamu’alaikum Warahmaullahi Wabarakatuh.
ِAbu Sultan Al-Qadrie
